I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
