Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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