can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
