You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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