Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My feet surprised me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
