wakey wakey hands off snakey
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
