At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
