Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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