Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
