party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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