I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
