I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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