Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
