I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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