Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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