So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
