Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
