Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I supernannyed him into submission
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
