Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
