no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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