Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
