Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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