When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
