It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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