My hand turned me down
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
