Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
