I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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