im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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