I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
