I am puke
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
