He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
