your thong is hanging out like whoa
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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