Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
