I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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