Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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