Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
