she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
