Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
