just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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