went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
