I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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