we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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