I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
