This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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