peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
