So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize