There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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