Just fell off a train. Bad.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
