I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
