I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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