Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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