If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
