so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
