I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
