I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize