I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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