see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
