He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
