i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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