So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
