There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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