I wanna bring you to show and tell
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
